This is my life

This is the post excerpt.

There is always so much going on in my life. I hope something I have to say can help someone or someone can relate and just not feel alone. I have 4 kids. 3 from a previous marriage that won’t end and one from a current relationship and then he has 2 more. So yes, 6 kids and 2 crazy exes. I’m ready to lose my mind most days, but I keep it together because I have to. That’s life. Well my life at least.

What a weekend…

I’m not even sure where to start at this point so I’m just going to unload whatever comes first and we will see how that works out. SO does pest service, yesterday while at an appointment the client gives him her number. He takes it so she gives a good review and then tosses it when he left and called me immediately to tell me it happened.  What kind of world do we live in that we have to be worried about the kind of review we will get if we turn down someone because we are unavailable? He wasn’t hiding anything and this isn’t the first time someone at work has hit on him (ok so he’s kinda attractive…i lie…he’s extremely attractive and he has these gorgeous eyes…oh and an accent which I can’t stand accents so I have no idea how this is working out between us, but every other female thinks it’s some awesome amazing thing for a guy to have an accent). Part of me is stuck on what kind of girl even attempts to give her number to a guy without asking if he is single. Another part thinks that it doesn’t matter what the review was he shouldn’t have even taken the number and just said “no thanks I’m unavailable.” I love that he is open and honest with me, but if I didn’t walk around with a ring on and I accepted guys numbers to be nice (and tossed them) he would flip out.

The clingy ex has been just as clingy as ever. I’m not sure how this girl has made it this far in life. She can’t make a single decision without consulting SO.  Last weekend it was car crap and this weekend it was life insurance. Freaking out on who handles her funeral expenses and plans and should she get life insurance on the kids. FIND SOMEONE to plan your shit in your family.  I sure as shit hope she doesn’t think she will have anything to do with anything if something happened to SO.  He’s your ex. His only obligation is making sure the kids are there for the service. Omg I swear I’m gonna blow up on her, but I’m not sure she has sense enough to grasp what I say.   

Let it go….

I’m beginning to think I should have called this blog “tales of the crazy exes” and just made every post about one of our exes. We are on vacation today. Out of town for my cousins wedding. His ex has known about this trip for months, but yet at 830 this morning she was calling.  So I answered and she was like  “did he forget his phone at home again?” (he forgot his phone a month ago and she continued to blow it up all day knowing I had it) I said “umm no, we’re in Alabama” and told him to get the phone. I had hardly any sleep and I was pulled over to feed the baby. She asked a question that should have been sent as a simple text (but no she has to talk to him). I was pissed. Well I thought I was, but if I wasn’t then I sure was a few hours later when she called and texted about how to fix something on her car. Umm it’s called YouTube. Or you have a boyfriend and need to learn what EX means. No respect for our vacation or relationship. I hope she calls again. I’m putting her in her place if so.  

Inside the female brain…

I have to get up in 5 hours but I cannot shut my brain off. It must be nice to be a guy because somehow they just hit the pillow and pass right out. I’m jealous. SO asked me multiple times what was wrong. I said nothing. I’m such a girl. 

Umm you left and didn’t bother to tell me. You said You were going to go, but you went out back and I thought you were sitting out there. I have no clue when you left.  You were glued to your phone most of the night and when you started falling asleep on the couch and I called you out on it you said I wouldn’t get off my phone. I HAD JUST SAT DOWN. 

I told you I suck at communicating. So I will sit here mad, partially because he doesn’t seem to know why I’m mad, and hope I get some rest before I have to roll out of bed for work.  😂

So she’s clingy and incompetent… 

There are many days where I feel like a shitty mom. There aren’t enough hours in the day to do what I need to do. I’m exhausted so I get snappy when I don’t mean to and I feel so guilty about leaving the baby with other people that I never leave him when I’m home, which isn’t fair to my girls. It sucks, but they all had me 100% as babies and he doesn’t get that. I cry, way more than anyone knows and I spend a lot of time awake at night. My life is always going and it’s hard to shut down. Then we add SO’s kids into the mix and I have to deal with all the ways their mom is screwing up. I can deal with a lot of shit. I do in fact, but I can’t deal with a piece of shit mom.  If you are tired, sleep at night. Sleep in the morning instead of blowing up SO’s phone….but to leave your kids at school because you are sleeping is fucking unacceptable. I get it. People make mistakes. This isn’t the first time though. Also, I had a “friendly” chat with her back in March when she failed to show up for a pickup and left me waiting with them for 40 mins and I ended up bringing them back home and she showed up hours later. You make “single” moms look bad. She has help. She has a boyfriend. She has family. I’m not sure how many friends she has, although I would question the quality of them. She is no different than me except  I have my shit together and I have more kids, so she needs to get her shit in line. Kids don’t need your excuses. They need a parent. Every single time she isn’t at the front of the car line those boys will now wonder if she is going to show up. It’s sad, heart breaking and pathetic. 

We have been fighting off and on about the clingy ex for days now. If you breathe my exes name SO will start ranting about the POS he is. He isn’t wrong.  His ex is only something bad when he is pissed about something and apparently all has been forgiven on his end for the school incident already.  I get that he goes off about my ex because he is so protective of me. I get it, I really do. I’ve never had someone so protective of me. Then we have his ex that gets away with whatever she wants and I’m just expected to deal with it.  No, I’m not. I want no part of it and I’m tired of fighting about her. I just told him that I will have no say or input on her and he has none when it comes to my ex.  I’m pretty sure I could see the steam come off him before he walked out. I’m not sure where he went. I won’t be trying to find out either.  We have a lot going on in our lives and she adds so much drama to it. I don’t understand why she can’t just move on with her boyfriend and leave us alone. There is a custody schedule so there is nothing to talk about. I just don’t know how long I can deal with this. Can I really do this for 13 more years? 


  • I’m 33 years old and I suck at communicating.   I’m aware this is an issue.  I tell myself I need to talk, but I never do.  I get upset by the stupidest stuff and then I let it blow up into something way bigger than necessary just because I wouldn’t say something to begin with.  My current frustration is our new car.  I actually regret the car because he seems more interested in the car than me. I know that’s a guy thing, but you’d have to know us to understand what that statement really means.  He’s borderline obsessed with me most days…it’s amazing and I love every minute of it.  For the last week I have barely existed and when I do it’s usually car related if he is talking.  I even tried to schedule time in our family calendar for us and that didn’t work. Guess I am now second best to a car. Hmmm who knew my only competition was a car…

    Clingy Exes

    My relationship is complicated to say the least. My ex is my ex, but my divorce had been dragging on for 13+ months. I can’t think of a 6 month period during our 14+ year marriage where I’m certain he was faithful. My 2 youngest think the divorce is done and final and my oldest knows everything. We live in different states and I have never gave the kids hope of us getting back together.  I can never say for certain why he drags it out, but I think it’s over money.  

    My current SO had been separated for a long while when I met him after moving home to start my divorce.  We dated a bit before his ex got jealous of me and insisted they tried again “for the kids.” Eventually the guilt worked and I can’t be mad at a man trying to give his kids a proper family. It didn’t work out, never does when you can’t stay faithful, but that’s not the point here. They split up again and SO & I found our way back together. Every now and then his ex will send the most inappropriate messages and piss me off.  She likes to take walks down memory lane or randomly bring up stuff about the kids.  He couldn’t care less and just blows it off, he’s very good about telling me so I don’t stumble across the messages, but I can’t do that. I am so furious at the level of disrespect shown by this girl.  We are supposed to be adults. I am going to be the stepmother to her children.  She is constantly asking for us to pick up slack so she can take extra shifts at work, which she is fully aware means that in the morning it is me getting her sons up and off to school and yet behind my back she is disrespecting me.  My ex has also moved on and I could never in a million years imagine sending anything like she sends to my ex. Not just because I hate my ex, but because it would be disrespectful to his new girlfriend and even though I don’t know her and want nothing to do with her, I won’t give her any reason to talk trash about me to other people. Let’s not even mention my SO and how he would feel if I sent something like that to my ex. I have daughter’s. I need to be an example for them. I hope I can pass my values on to my girls because I would hate for them to grow up to be clingy and disrespectful exes.

    1 Week Down

    Today I went to a bridal shower for my cousin. I love weddings. I love love. I always have. While at the shower this sweet little guy snuggled up on mommy and went to sleep. Gosh I have missed this all week. I will never have enough time with him. It sucks to pay other people to raise your kid. I know most people don’t look at it that way, but I do. I don’t want to sacrifice that time with him and I have to. Thursday was the best day of the week because he had a neurologist appointment and I got to pick him up at 3 pm.  Finally home to him before 6 pm. It was amazing. When I was pregnant with him he had extra fluid on his brain so the neurologist is following him. He told me I have a perfect baby and that I’m doing a great job. Exactly what I needed to hear. I found out midway through pregnancy that the baby has Beckwith Wiedemann Syndrome. It’s a overgrowth condition. (His intestines were outside of his stomach, which is what led to the testing and now he will be screened for childhood cancers frequently.) My little man has been through a lot so far which I think makes it a million times harder to leave him.  When he was born he spent 11 days in the NICU. I slept at home and then spent maybe 4-5 hours awake with the others kids at home. I was killing myself but felt horrible leaving him there alone with the nurses. I know it’s their job, but he is MY baby. MY responsibility.   These days the other kids are in school all day and they are old enough to understand. This sweet little one has no idea what’s going on and he needs me, but I can’t be there. Life definitely isn’t fair.