Clingy Exes

My relationship is complicated to say the least. My ex is my ex, but my divorce had been dragging on for 13+ months. I can’t think of a 6 month period during our 14+ year marriage where I’m certain he was faithful. My 2 youngest think the divorce is done and final and my oldest knows everything. We live in different states and I have never gave the kids hope of us getting back together.  I can never say for certain why he drags it out, but I think it’s over money.  

My current SO had been separated for a long while when I met him after moving home to start my divorce.  We dated a bit before his ex got jealous of me and insisted they tried again “for the kids.” Eventually the guilt worked and I can’t be mad at a man trying to give his kids a proper family. It didn’t work out, never does when you can’t stay faithful, but that’s not the point here. They split up again and SO & I found our way back together. Every now and then his ex will send the most inappropriate messages and piss me off.  She likes to take walks down memory lane or randomly bring up stuff about the kids.  He couldn’t care less and just blows it off, he’s very good about telling me so I don’t stumble across the messages, but I can’t do that. I am so furious at the level of disrespect shown by this girl.  We are supposed to be adults. I am going to be the stepmother to her children.  She is constantly asking for us to pick up slack so she can take extra shifts at work, which she is fully aware means that in the morning it is me getting her sons up and off to school and yet behind my back she is disrespecting me.  My ex has also moved on and I could never in a million years imagine sending anything like she sends to my ex. Not just because I hate my ex, but because it would be disrespectful to his new girlfriend and even though I don’t know her and want nothing to do with her, I won’t give her any reason to talk trash about me to other people. Let’s not even mention my SO and how he would feel if I sent something like that to my ex. I have daughter’s. I need to be an example for them. I hope I can pass my values on to my girls because I would hate for them to grow up to be clingy and disrespectful exes.